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I was in 11 years old  when I notice my right point finger has a small dry patch, I thought it was just a skin reaction of the water and the weather. In the Philippines we normally have warm weather and we tend to get dry skin when the weather is too cold for us. I thought it was just like that, until the dry patch becomes itchy and its getting bigger. I got bully because it, they think its contagious. I ask my mom to have me check but because we belong to the poor family we cant afford the medication. We try following some herbal medication like dabbing warm water with garlic, apply some Chinese cream that we bought in the market, taking a bath with guava leaves. But none of those work, I endure it until I was  13 years old. I was in middle school back then and notice there is also a dry patch on  the top of my ankle, the idea that I might have the same skin condition on that area of my body makes worried because it might grew bigger like the one on my finger and I cant hide that part anymore. Days gone by the dry patches becomes bigger, I got bullied again. I cant defend myself because I still don’t know what is the condition of my skin. It looks gross because it was patchy, scaly and reddish. I ask my mom again to get me check, this time we can afford the medication. I thought it will be gone for good if I finish the cream and ointment the derma give me but after finishing the cream and ointment the scaly part on my foot and hand just look calm. Not scaly anymore but still reddish and there are time its still itchy.

As I grow older it becomes bigger and bigger. Until I decided to go again to the derma. I find out I have plaque psoriasis. A skin condition where the immune system over activates, causing skin cells to grow too fast, leading to red, inflamed, itchy, scaly patches (plaques).

Overtime I try to accept that my skin condition will be forever a part me. Knowing my condition makes me confident to answer everyone and defend myself that I’m not contagious. Whenever someone ask me what happen to my skin I just simply say its psoriasis.

I thought it will end there, no more illness. Not until 2020, my period came late knowing I’m not pregnant. Though my period always come late like 2 or 3 days. But this time it came like 20 days late. That when I decided to visit OB/GYN for the first time.  I undergone laboratory test and transvaginal ultrasound. I was diagnosed with PCOS, with multiple follicle on both ovaries and retroverted uterus. Right now I still battle with PCOS, I have hair fall, I get tired quickly, I gain weight, cravings for sweets, the are times I still missed may period or it will came late but with the help of medicine, hormonal supplements, vitamins and exercise my PCOS is now manageable.

When I join Alivio, I find out the word “spoonie” someone living with a chronic illness, pain, or disability who uses the “Spoon Theory” to explain their limited daily energy. I prepared calling myself a spoonie, it was a gentle way of saying I have non contagious chronic autoimmune condition and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

I may look fine but beyond that smile and laughter I battle with an illness that is not treatable. Yes I’m a spoonie. And this is my story of pain, endurance and acceptance.